the condom got lost in my hair
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
