Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
