the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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