So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
