Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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