she was so not down for the gang bang
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have fence marks all over my body
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
