That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
