im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize