so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize