the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
