Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
