Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
