I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
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Do I have a choice?
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Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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