she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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