dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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