Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
