my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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