I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
