garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
50% drunk capacity currently
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Randomize
