It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
