The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
