she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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