She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
