so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize