very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
