Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
