Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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