he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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