i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
