i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
