i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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