i just made my gag reflex go away.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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