Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
