he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize