I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
