I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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