im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I am available for nakedness
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
