I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
