bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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