you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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