They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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