My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
