pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
