I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
