I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
