I can tuck mytits in my pants
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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