So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
