:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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