If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
