I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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