And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This is the high leading the old right now
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
