I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He did a backflip because drugs
Shame is for Republicans.
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