I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
