i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
