well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
