He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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