at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
