she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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