This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
