My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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