in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
