I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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