Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
