Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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