I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize