I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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