so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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