dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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