I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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