just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
