Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
