why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
